No, I am not referring to my ex-girlfriends. I am talking about this magical time of the year when this year becomes last year, and my future is Timbuk 3 bright thanks to the long list of resolutions I create for the upcoming and soon to be awesome year. Unfortunately, the optimism is short-lived as the list of resolutions quickly evolve into character faults that are not easily resolved with any list (or extensive therapy for that matter). I start the new year off with the best of intentions… be nice, call my mom more, go to the gym…. By mid-month I am more depressed than when I wrote the list. Faced with the fact that I am not nice, not picking up the phone, and the mile trek to the gym gets harder and harder to make I realize nothing has changed. But that was last year, this year is going to be different. Not like last year’s different, for reals different. This year, the resolution plan is to keep it like my ex-girlfriends, simple and attainable. Set the bar low enough to be exceptional. Two resolution lists, personal and professional, both with the same potential to be exceptional criteria.
Let’s start with the personal resolution list. First and foremost, I am going to have more sex in 2019. Any would be more, so I am not going to quantify it. Simple, but wait… attainable? There are things that I can change to improve my chances, but really there are too many factors out of my hands, too much chance involved to make it a realistic resolution. I would have better results putting “to win Powerball” on the list. Maybe that is too harsh… the odds of me winning Powerball would slightly worse than that of me winning the “LOTTO”.
What else could I address instead… oh of course, the not being nice issue (a.k.a. the asshole factor). In the past, there were ten or more resolutions that were intended to amend this issue. Maybe this year I focus on one aspect and add to it next year. One of my many issues is my head is always somewhere else. It doesn’t matter what I am doing, where I am doing it, or who I am doing it with, mentally I am somewhere else. Even though I know it is rude and makes those around me feel minimalized, it still happens regularly. This year I am going to try to be more present. Focus on the moment and maybe even try to listen. At least a little. Any would be more so if all goes well there is the chance of hitting the attainable checkmark. There is that word again… CHANCE. While there is still an element of chance, the odds are infinitely better of me being present than those of me winning Lotto or even winning LOTTO.
The other reoccurring resolution theme is my weight which has been going the opposite direction of my bank account for some time. The “go to the gym 5 days a week” resolution has been a bust for consecutive years. I am at the point where if actions aren’t taken, I will be required to buy new clothes which really isn’t an option (due to aforementioned bank account). I had assumed my drier was running hot, but after inspection from countless repairmen, it seems there is another reason for my clothes shrinking. This year rather than set the gym bar at something that I will piss me off after a couple of weeks I will come up with something more in reach…something simple and attainable… so I resolve to be more active. I am not sure exactly what that means, but it does meet the criteria.
So, the personal list boils down to two simple and attainable resolutions:
- Be present
- Be active
Now on to the professional resolutions. The number one professional resolution is to get more users. Our survival depends on them, so putting this on the top of the list is a no brainer. Short and attai… wait, this one kind of feels like the more sex resolution. Unfortunately, it isn’t as simple as just deciding to get more users. With exception of my kids, I can’t make people play our games. I need a resolution I can achieve that could lead to more users playing our games, willingly.
The only part of my job that I hate is answering support emails. For every “thanks for the hard work” email there are 40 “your game sucks, you suck, your family sucks and your dog sucks” emails. As a result, I am not as timely with responding as I could be which only exacerbates the problem and making angry users irate. So, this year my resolution is to answer all support emails good or bad within 5 hours of receiving them. This could not only cool a hot user (bad hot) and help with user retention, but also allow us to more quickly resolve the issues that spur the email in the first place.
My other professional resolution for this year is to not become paralyzed. I mean this figuratively, but I guess also literally. In addition to not getting hit by a school bus I will not become paralyzed at work. It is hard for me to admit this one, but because we have so many things to do and because there are only two of us, there are times where I literally become paralyzed. As Nick will attest, I start tasks, but don’t always finish them. In fact, I am positive Nick wants to murder me in my sleep. The good news (for me) is even though we spend more time around each other then we do with our families thankfully we sleep in different houses.
Like the personal list, the professional resolution list boils down to two simple and attainable items:
- Answer emails promptly
- Avoid paralysis (bus and work)
Four simple and attainable items to an exceptional and prosperous 2019. Or at least I hope that will be the outcome. Maybe the answer to effective resolutions is to have those close to us write our resolutions for us? I am sure it would sting a little, but the short-term pain will be worth the long-term gain. Plus, I have already copped to being a celibate fat asshole who is a shitty work partner with a need to be liked. How much worse could their list be?
After further thought, I think I will just stick with my list.